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In a newspaper, a department job announcement appeared that the police is looking for people to work.
notified the three blondes. The position was one. It was decided, so choose that one by a small test.
- There you go, here we have for you pictures from the profile of this individual. Please tell us as much about him, what will you arises, some observations.
- Jesus! He only has one ear! • Kandydatce thanked. The other received the same command.
- Jesus! He only has one ear! • This also fell below expectations. A third candidate was asked.
you go, here we have for you pictures from the profile of this individual. Please tell us about it as much as you can say about that person on the basis of the image.
- This man wears contact lenses.
Commission looked amazed. Checked in the documents, actually.
- Well, great! Congratulations! You're adopted. But as you are deduced?
- It's easy. This man wears contact lenses, because I can not wear glasses.
- But why?
- Well, how is it? Well, after he has only one ear!


*** I'm going by bus, not too loose, but I have a seat. You have to give a ticket to be deleted. In addition to facing the man. How to ask him - "You" or "Lord"? The bus is express. If a man does not get out at the last stop to say, that goes to my neighborhood. He travels with flowers - say to the woman. Flowers carries beautiful, it means that and she is beautiful. In our neighborhood there are two beautiful women - my wife and my lover. To my lover man can not go because I'm going to it. I mean, that goes to my wife. My wife has two lovers - Waldemar and Peter. Waldemar is now in the delegation ...
- Mr Peter, could You erase my ticket?

***
guy phoned the company to pump the Bear Gardens. After half an hour the doorbell. Opens, and there's little old man with a shotgun and a small dog.
- Please show me the place of action - said the old man.
Bear sat high on a tree. The old man said:
- The Plan: I go to the tree. Flips hard. The Bear falling and Fafik - this dog specially trained - a bear comes by, grabs it firmly by the balls and the teeth of a bear is ours.
- A shotgun ... What shotgun? - Asked the owner garden.
old man handed him her and said:
- If I accidentally dropped the first, you need to shoot Fafik IMMEDIATELY!

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:)

One professor doused always those who do not attend wykłady.Wchodzi a student, the professor said that he did not see the lectures and puts his cock, but clever student said he went to lectures, so that always sat behind a pillar. He got third The next several students said the same thing, getting a third In the end, Professor angry and hung on the door: "All the pillars are already in use!"
***
two blondes are standing in the elevator one says: - Call the elevator! Blonde exclaims: - Elevator, Elevator! The second blonde says: - Not so, the button! Blonde grabs your button on my blouse and said: - Elevator, Elevator !

***
passenger in the plane of the speakers you hear the voice of the pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, please do not fret, we have little tolerance. Please go to the left side the plane and look through the window. People go on the left side, the plane tilts, a pilot: As you rightly pointed out, the left engine burns. A small panic on board, but, from what is a second engine ... For the moment, however, again the voice of the pilot ... Ladies and gentlemen, and now calmly, slowly, please go to the other side of the plane and look through the windows ... People are already pretty upset run to the other side. As you can see ladies and gentlemen, the second engine also burns ... Panic on board. Ladies and gentlemen, and now I look down. All przylepili the windows and stare. As you can see below us can enjoy a large, beautiful lake, and in the middle you will see a small yellow pontonik ... From a small yellow pontonika, spoke to the State crew of the aircraft.

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life issues

guests to enter a pub and order: - For Helmut Cola, for Frantz to Andrew Jackson and milk.

***
hang on the tree sloths and three argue over who is more leniwy.Pierwszy says: - You know guys, I walk down the street, I look at myself, and here a bag of gold on the street is, but I did not want him podnieść.Na the second: - Well you see, and I go the beach and look like Claudia Schiffer is a naked and wants to fly it. No but I do not chiało się.Trzeci: - And you know guys, I recently was in the cinema, the very funny comedy, but I cried throughout the movie .- Come on comedy and cry? - Because I sat on the eggs and did not want me to get up to improve ... ***

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a picnic. Since the night she found in a forest camp pitched in a clearing and went to sleep. At night, Holmes wakes doctor and asked: - Dear Watson look at the sky, and tell me what you see - I see millions of stars .- And what did it say? "- From an astronomical point of view tells me that there are millions of stars and probably billions of planets . From the astrological point of view tells me that Saturn is in the sign of Leo. From the theological point of view tells me that God is great and all-powerful and we are malutcy and weak. From a chronological point of view tells me that it is about 3 at night. From the meteorological point of view tells me that tomorrow will be nice weather. And what about you, Sherlock? - And my dear Watson says that someone podpierdolił our tent ...

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About Little Red Riding Hood, a teacher and on my wedding night

walks through the woods Red Riding Hood in a blue cap. Wolf attacked him and exclaims: - I'll eat you, Red Riding Hood! A Little Red Riding Hood in a blue cap corresponds to a wolf: - wolf, do not eat me because I am not a Little Red Riding Hood, but I am Blue Riding Hood! Wolf, embarrassed, fled into the bushes and Little Red Riding Hood in a blue cap freely arrived at the house babci.Następnego walks through a forest of Little Red Riding Hood in a yellow cap ... and the whole story is repeated every day for two weeks. Little Red Riding Hood cap changes every day, but never once put into the red. Until then, however, goes through the woods ... Little Red Riding Hood in a purple cap. Wolf attacked him and exclaims: - I'll eat you, Red Riding Hood! A Little Red Riding Hood in a purple cap corresponds to a wolf: - wolf, do not eat me because I am not a Little Red Riding Hood, but I am Purple Riding Hood! And the wolf said: - Whatever ! For two weeks I had nothing in his mouth! So you eat, Purple Riding Hood! And the wolf ate Little Red Riding Hood in the violet cap ... The moral? No cap does not provide security stuprocentowego! ***

mathematician broke a radiator. He called a plumber, it tapped a key, shook and the water stopped dripping. The joy of mathematics quickly ended when the expert gave the price of the service .- Sir, but that is half of what I earn .- And where do you work? - At the University .- Well, did you move to our cooperative, you come from you, touch you and earn four times as much as on the whole university. You just need you to go to the office and apply now. Just give you that you have you have seven classes, because higher education we do not popłaca.Matematyk did as he instructed expert. Since then, his fate much improved. But one day came an order for upgrading the skills of the crew and sent everyone who had the seven evening classes to eighth grade. First lesson - math. Teacher welcomes all: - Good morning, going to learn math, I'm sure everyone will get a certificate of completion of eighth grade. And if we recall what we remember from school yet. You can write the formula for the area of \u200b\u200ba circle? - Pointed to matematyka.Ten stood up, walked to the plate and began to move out because I just forgot the formula. Derived, derives, has enrolled the entire array, and finally got the result "minus pi er Square." The less he does not like, so count from the beginning. Wiped off the array, again and again saves patterns result from minusem.Zrezygnowany looks at a class waiting for suggestions, and everyone's whispering: - Change the limit of integration ... ***

Young couple coming to the hotel for wedding night .- Please, the best room for the night! - You manage the key flashes młody.Recepcjonista giving to the girl: - No baby, you need to please him! He rented a room there is usually only for two hours ...

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from real life:)

meets a tank with a toddler. tank, says the toddler: baby-making than have the engine in the ass? it better to have a baby-silnki in the ass than a cock on her forehead!

***
The geometry lesson children learn to draw a circle. Johnny walks up to the plate and draws a very successful niewprawnie, egg-shaped circle. Teacher: - Oh, Johnny, probably came out of the egg ... Johnny looks at the pant leg of his shorts and asks: - Where?

***
Ride two blondes from the village cunt. They see people in black ubranych.Nagle one says to the other: - Burial in cipie.Na every second - a mere funeral!

***
- From which you live? - Asks a policeman for some of the suspect typka .- Bets! - What does it mean "establishments"? - Normally. I assume with someone and win .- Forever? - Always! - Well, suppose it is. I would like to find if you say the truth. - I bet I have a swastika on his ass .- I do not believe - says the policeman .- Assume for a tenner! - In porzadku.Poszli to some of the executioner. Male downloaded pants, threw out the ass, and the policeman leaned over him and watches him carefully. Finally, with the triumph of the will .- I won! You have no swastika! Belongs to me tenner! Male pays a cop notices happy: - Well, what are you chwaliliscie with win every bet? - Because I won! - What? - You see the authorities of these five dudes across the street? - I see! - Recently I put up with them three hundred thousand, with my authority for the shit you be bored ...