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Young comes to the HR Assistant (Recruitment), to his boss with a large file of documents: "I did pre-selection. These are the documents of the persons with whom we have a meeting, meet all criteria."
Head takes a file of documents, a field hand and measures the sru to the trash. The second part gives a subordinate "to those people we meet."
speechless assistant asks, "How?" ... Nay, they all meet the criteria ...".
"Please Lord - interrupts the head - we do not need people here who have been unlucky."


guy wanted to buy some predatory animal, lest it zagryzlo mother in law, but in the shop were only pelicans.
vendor said that they are extremely dangerous, so bought two for home. I decided to try out
:
- Pelicans on the table! Pelicans
totally rozpieprzyly table.
guy glad he continues:
- Pelicans on the chair! Birds
rozdziobuja chair. Suddenly
mother in law comes from the doorway and yells:
- A dick of pelicans?


elegant lady comes into the living room for Mercedes. Walk up to the latest sports convertible and bends to touch the leather upholstery. However, when schylaniu accidentally blew loud bittern ... Immediately she straightened up and looks around in a circle and nobody has ever heard. He looks, and just behind her stands the vendor. Asks So slightly embarrassed by it:
- Excuse me, how much is this car?
- Madam - is responsible vendor with a slight smile - you barely touched the car, and already you spierdziała. as you give the price, this is Mrs. zesra ...


guy sitting at the bar and staring blankly at a glass of drink. Can see that in total depression. Suddenly it comes to the local bully, a big peasant of two feet, grabs a glass and drinks his drink in one gulp. Then the guy starts crying. Bully, in fact, a man of good heart, ashamed and tries to comfort him:
- Come on, man, I'm just kidding. Stop crying, just the attitude you a drink, or two ...
- No, not the point. You know, today I have the worst day in my life. I was late to the office and boss threw me out of work. When I got out to the parking lot, it turned out that someone stole my car. So I went home by taxi, which forgot wallet with documents and credit cards. I go home, and there - his wife in bed with the gardener. So I decided to go to the pub and after the second beer I came to the conclusion that life is meaningless. Then you came and you been drinking my poison ... _________________

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funny humor from real life:)

daughter complains about her mother - Mom, I will probably get divorced, I'm already so I can no longer
, I can not stand it - nothing but sex, sex and sex. When I went out I was married
pussy as twenty cents now I have like five gold.
Mama said:
- you are my daughter to think twice.
house have?
Here.
car outside the house stand?
stand.
Stays in the best resorts, clothes from top designers,
financial security for you and the children.

Really this is about eighty-four of these!?

guy walks through the woods, watching, and here well. He thinks to himself "what is interesting
deep?". So throw a stone and listen ... and nothing. So throw a rock and listens
... and nothing. Suddenly I looked and here the metal rail, bus and threw so
listens ... and nothing is gone, but looks ... runs black lamb. Lamb
coming into the well and the hoop! inside. So the guy runs up to the destruction of wells,
listens, and here ... nothing. When you go out from the forest met the owner.
host asked if the guy had seen somewhere a black sheep,
- The guy on the fact that "YES" and ran into the woods and jumped into the well.
A pub said:
- How to whore able to jump into the well when it tied to a metal rail
!


The window in the bank:
- I assume whore, the account in the fucking bank.
- What
please - I said I want to set up, whore, fucking your fucking
in the bank!
- How dare you!
- Normally! Not hear bitch? Give me here, whore, manager!
Leader, all nabuzowany, because I know what and how the client requests:
- Well, I know what you mean!
- I repeat, whore, for the third time that I want to start fucking
account the fucking bank and pay you, whore, 2000000000! What
head: - I did this whore any problems?


wife was fed up behavior her husband, and in particular
too frequent trips with his friends for a beer and return in a state strongly indicating
. After one such evening a man in a complete state of intoxication
came home and fell unconscious on the bed.
wife as always undressed him to sleep, but this time she did something more -
pushed his finger into my ass condom
such a way that a piece sticking out.
morning, as always, husband to feel better
entered the shower. Washed, washed ... at one point begins to wash the ass and ...
What .... what is it? Pulls out a condom ass ...... His wife at that time in the kitchen preparing
breakfast. When hubby comes bathed in the kitchen,
wife asks:
- How do you played yesterday? How to live your colleagues? Husband
voice full of bitterness responds
- Colleagues? I have no friends ...


... what would happen if the good men ruled the world?
* Women's Day March 8 would be moved to 29.02 (every
four years, going to bear it)
* You can not tie a tie, do not wear a strut
* Breast enlargement surgery would be reimbursed by the National Health Fund

* all women would have the same name - for simplicity
* all women would be allergic to gold, furs and precious stones

* guy at work that best game in Quake would be automatically elected
the manager
* przerywałby call any phone in 30 seconds * call
carefully staring at a woman's breasts on a first date would be perceived as
love confession
* left lane for driving 60km / h rozstrzeliwanoby spot kick
* overturning a table with chess, warcabami or a game
"Monopoly" will automatically mean a victory
* at the beginning of each issue Messages favors running the latest dirty jokes

* wynalezionoby socks that would exist only in pairs.
retained in various locations podpełzałyby vigorously to himself
* bikini bizneswomen would be the best clothes. I do not bizneswomen
too.
* woman would have a period once a year. During the opening season at the
fish ...


raklama TYMBARK p ~
www.interecho.com/ tomeksauer / tymbark_excl..mpg

and at the end of some stupid joke

A missionary was on a mission humanitarian aid in Africa. One day walking in the jungle
noticed lying elephant. He walked over and saw that the elephant in the leg
pounded a nail. He felt pity and took him to the nail. The elephant got up and looked at his
rescuer of love, as if to say
"thank you" and then went. He turned again, as if to say
"goodbye" and disappeared among the trees. "I wonder if it even ever see
again!" lifeguard thought. A few years later
the guy went to the circus. There were various
animals, including elephants, but his attention was drawn one, which looked at
him in the same manner as that of the jungle. "Is this the elephant?" - Thought -
"It is so similar to that."
After the show went to the elephant, patted him on the ears, but then caught it
This same trunk and slammed it a few times on the floor, turning his body in a bloody
pate. It turned out that it was not the elephant.

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About Harry

you ask kids to ułożyły sentence with the word bird. Throws to Johnny and says, "Dad came to the homes as torrential starling.
Teacher: Well on the two birds?
Johnny: My dad went to homes as torrential starling, then wyrżnął eagle
N: Very good on the three birds
J: My dad went to homes as torrential starling, then let wyrżnął eagle and peacock
N: A with 4 birds buster
J: Dad came to the homes as torrential starling, then wyrżnął eagle and a peacock until he dropped two bullfinches emerged from the nose
N: Ok on the five
J: My dad came to the homes as torrential starling, then wyrżnął eagle and a peacock until he dropped two bullfinches came from the nose and went on to drink the vulture. ***

Harry enters the room and there mom and dad and mom mhhhhhyyy no jumping on dad saw my mother suddenly jumps from Hansel and dad and goes to explain Jasiu wypaplał something there. Harry you know what dad is thick so I jumped after him to reduce his stomach. And Johnny: it's not.
Mom: "Why?
Johnny: Because as soon as you leave a neighbor, and it comes packaged
***
Shit-tape and dick said, who has a worse deal
Well Shit tape says:
- you know what I have the worst I deal with me and everything podcierają
.- A dick said:
- you know what always put me into a tight, plastic bag, pushes the slimy hole and tear up and down until porzygam.

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Father Bill ....

I am Bill Gates, who brought you to the land of milk and honey, called Windows XP.

first Thou shalt have no others before me, the producer.

second You will not use the name Bill to defamation.

third Remember to release Windows holy day.

4th Honor soft Microsoft and its developers.

5th Do not remove the Microsoft firmware vain.

6th Do not covet other people's products companies.

7th Neither our pirated Microsoft firmware.

8th Do not bear false witness to thy Windowsowi.

9.Nie covet your money guru, Bill the Magnificent.

10th Neither the whole company, which it is.

- - - - - - - -

OUR FATHER


Microsoft's Father, who art on disk

Windows Hallowed be Your

Come update your

Bugfix Be Your

As in Windows, Office, and somehow

MSNa our Give us today

And forgive us our piraty

As we forgive our Telecommunications

and do not know us, IBM

But deliver us from OS2

Because it is your DOS and Windows and NT

For ever and ever

ENTER

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BMW is the best

talks two guys:
- You listen, zmotalem new way to mosquitoes ...
- Ta? and what are you doing?
- Exhibits mother in law against the house and I bite mosquitoes, a nie nas...

- Matko, to ona sie zadrapie na smierc!

- Spoko spoko, ona jest sparalizowana... :) :D





Jedzie dziadek maluchem, zgarbiony, ręce mu się trzęsą na kierownicy. Wyprzedziło go BMW, dziadek się wystraszył. BMW zatrzymało się na swiatłach, dziadek z tego strachu nie dał rady, przywalił w tył beemki. Wysiada z niej dwóch byków:

- I co dziadek, przyjebałeś...

- Tak (cienkim wystraszonym głosem)

- Masz kasę?

- Nie

- A ubezpieczenie?

- Nie

- A syna?

- Mam

- To masz tu komóreczkę, dzwoń after a bit of boy in me, because you get to work do not fit ...
grandfather rang, and soon arrive in three Mercedes S-class, gets
few bulls and one of them says:
- And what, Dad?? Przypierdolił at you like going backward? :): D



Lieutenant Occupational organizes day for the company.
- Today again we're going up a ramp to unload rail cars of sand.
- forks again? - The question is asked a series of
lieutenant thinks for a moment and says:
- Actually I was thinking today about grabiach ... but they can be and forks,
Yet to me it is only to be bitchin you here. :): D

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Dear mother-in-

200 zloty bill died. He comes to heaven and God, in His great goodness He says: To hell! Saddened by the bill goes to the boiler of hell from which he sees as though it was great in heaven ... 100 zloty bill died. God once again sends him to hell. He died 50 zloty banknote. And back to hell. Similarly dwudziestozłotowym and dziesięciozłotowym. Pięciozłotówka has died, but she went to hell, as well as two zloty coin, and dollar. When I stood before the Lord God pięćdziesięciogroszówka, This blithe took her to him and sat on the right hand. Other denominations began to cry
- Why is he with you, Lord, and we do not?
And God looked at them and asked:
- And when I was last time I saw in the church? ***

young camel asks his father - a camel:
- Dad, why do we have such an ugly dumplings, and horses are so pretty?
- You see, we walk in the caravan and that is why we have such and not the other hoof, not to bury a foot in the sand.
- Dad, why we have such an ugly, skudloną hair, and horses have the beautiful, shiny?
- You see, we walk in the caravan and the desert at night is -10 degrees, 40 degrees during the day, and this coat protects us against such surges temperatures.
- Dad, and why we have these two humps on their backs, and horses are so smooth?
- You see, we walk in the caravan and these humps we store fat and water, not to die in the desert of hunger and thirst.
To all the young camel:
- Dad and the ch .. us all when we live in a zoo! ***

voice on the radio:
- time for morning calisthenics. Are you ready? Well, here we go! Top-down, up and down ... And now there's a lid!

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coins

One-in-law wanted to check how much you are committed to its three zięciowie. She went to the first in hospitality. After a short time went into the yard, and threw herself into the well.

-Rescue! Rescue! Ton! Zięciu save me!

in-law jumps in the backyard, and here-in-law looks at the well melted. Without a moment's hesitation he threw his "mom" a rope and helped her out. The next morning-in-law goes to the backyard and here looks nowiuśki red polonaise, and a car mat with a card saying:

"zięciowi beloved - mother in law"


After a week at the house of mother in law went to the second-in-law. The situation repeated itself. Mother in law ran into the yard, and threw herself into the well.

-Rescue! Rescue! Ton! Zięciu save me!

This is also in-law jumped into the yard screaming desperately worried "mom" When I saw her drowning in a well without a moment's hesitation he helped her escape with the rope. The next morning-in-law comes into the yard, looks, and tystoi nowiuśki red polonezik, and the car mat is a card that says:

"zięciowi beloved - mother in law"

The next morning she went to the house of mother-to three-in-law. Again, the situation repeats itself. In-law goes to the backyard and throw themselves into the well.


-Rescue! Rescue! Ton! Zięciu save me!

in-law jumps in the backyard, looking into the well, look, and here-in-law in August melts. He thinks to himself:

- And drown in you old pipe!

Yes mother in law also drowned ... Next morning in-law goes to the yard, and here looks new, shiny, gold, Lamborgini, and the car mat a card ...

"beloved father-in-zięciowi"

*** One-in-law wanted to check how much you are committed to its three zięciowie. She went to the first in hospitality. After a short time went into the yard, and threw herself into the well.

-Rescue! Rescue! Ton! Zięciu save me!

in-law jumps in the backyard, and here-in-law looks at the well melted. Without a moment's hesitation he threw his "mom" a rope and helped her out. The next morning-in-law goes to the backyard and here nowiuśki looks red polonaise, and a car mat with a card saying:

"zięciowi beloved - mother in law"


After a week at the house of mother in law went to the second-in-law. The situation repeated itself. Mother in law ran into the yard, and threw herself into the well.

-Rescue! Rescue! Ton! Zięciu save me!

This is also in-law jumped into the yard screaming desperately worried "mom" When I saw her drowning in a well without a moment's hesitation helped it to go using a rope. The next morning-in-law goes to the yard, watching and tystoi nowiuśki polonezik red, and the car mat is a card that says:

"zięciowi beloved - mother in law"

The next morning she went to the house of mother-to three-in-law. Again, the situation repeats itself. In-law goes to the backyard and throw themselves into the well.


-Rescue! Rescue! Ton! Zięciu save me!

in-law jumps in the backyard, looking into the well, look, and here-in-law in August melts. He thinks to himself:

- And thou drown old pipe!

Yes mother in law also drowned ... The next morning-in-law goes to the yard, and here looks new, shiny, gold, Lamborgini, and the car mat a card ...

"beloved father-in-zięciowi"
***

times of ancient Rome. Rich Roman people are bored with everything so far been seen.
Caesar decides to arrange a fight with a wild animal, the struggle which has so far yet. So I chose
Caesar, the great lion, lion world has ever seen. The animal has been starved for weeks.
day is coming duel. The lion is hungry and so lean that it begins to lick at everything that moves.
Caesar to fight with this huge lion chooses strong Numida (Negro), muscular and big.
But also thinking, "Such a large black man, a lion, a skinny, black man buried in the ground to waist-level the playing field"
After a while Caesar thought further: "the Negro has a muscular, he can and dig out and kill a lion, more how will it be buried in the ground after the same head, "
As he thought, so he did.
... Arena, a lot of the Roman people in the stands, the Negro buried the same neck, let go of a lion ...
This runs like a madman, salivate at the sight of him leaking the Negro's head, I have to catch him and catch the iron grip of their jaws when the Negro makes duck head, a lion it goes, it hits with all the vigor of a band and dies.
At the Roman people "fight fairly nigger"

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History

Guerrillas in fear of the Germans hid in the well and decided to pretend to be an echo, two Germans began to talk next to the well:
- I wonder where the guerrillas hid?
- I wonder where the guerrillas hid?
- Maybe they are in the woods?
- Why are woods?
- Why are the wells?
- Why are the wells?
- Able to throw a grenade that well?
- Maybe they are in the woods? ***

during the Cold War, the Americans trained spy and threw him to Siberia. Spy went to the hut of a native, who asked him to stay. On the second day of native says
- Nu, kak gawarisz you ours, you drink our kak, nu, but you're not ours!
- Paczemu you so puzzled? - Asks the puzzled American.
- A potomu, szto us cziornych niet! ***

Ages. It stands a great ogromniaste castle, guarding the two Knights. At some point flew two jets and bombarded the castle. Teutonic Order rise from the rubble, otrzepują, revealing a headband and says to the other częstując him a cigarette:
- Well, what is the Malbork? ***
communist
The diary:
First day: turn on the radio - Lenin
other day: I turn the TV - Lenin
third day: I read a newspaper - Lenin
fourth day: I see posters - Lenin
fifth day: I'm afraid to open cans

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Klingelton


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Sonnerie
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hitslogosgames
ringtoner-logoer-spill
toques-logos-jogos
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For Stas

Female calls to the radio: - Good morning, I wanted to say that this morning I found a wallet. Inside were three thousand in cash and a check to bearer the sum of a prized $ 10,000. There was also a driving license in the name of Stanislaw Kowalski, residing on the street Koszarowa 15 m 6 in Warsaw. And I have, therefore, fervent plea: - Please Mr Stas let a nice piece of dedication from me! ***

engaged couple walking in the park. When I pass a group of retirees, you are starting to mutter: - "What are you grip the handle! Take it for a better motel, fop!" Boy very embarrassed, pretends not to hear anything. They walk through the construction site where workers nearing their cries: - "These muff! Stop to walk! Bring it to a dark corner and Fuck." Even more embarrassed, the boy pretends that nothing further heard. In the end the girl to be discharged home and says goodbye to her: - "For tomorrow, baby." She: - "Of course, tomorrow, hollow pin." The wedding night the bride says to her newly poślubionego: - Since we are now married, we must introduce pewnezasadydotyczące sex - If evening, I combed her hair, this means that silent no desire for sex, if you are in slight disarray, it means that I can, Alena I have to feel like sex, and if they are in disarray, toznaczy that mamochotę to love .- All right, baby - said the husband - to know everything byłouporządkowanemusisz that evening after returning from work and always pijędrinka.Jeśli drink only one, it means that I do not want to have sex, jeśliwypijędwa it means that I can, but do not have to be willing to have sex, and if wypijętrzy, is a condition of your hair does not matter.

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:)

A woman walking past a public house, where the sale took place equipment. She bought a parrot in a cage, brought her home. Cage was covered with a cloth, which the woman claimed. - O, a new brothel, a new brothel-mom - says papuga.Kobieta quickly hid back in the frame sheet. After some time, his daughter from school and dopominają come in to show them parrot. His mother decides to take a chance and discovers a frame: - O, a new brothel, a brothel-new mom and new girls ... Cage comes back covered. It comes with the job her husband and wants to see a parrot. Woman decides give her a last chance and discovers a frame: - O, a new brothel, a brothel-new mom, new girls, but Zygmus the same old, loyal customers ... ***

years, living in the United Arab man has a 5 acre field of potatoes, it's time to plant, but his only son was arrested as a terrorist. Devastated Arab sends a telegram to his son in jail: "Dear Abdul, Here is your father says Muhammad. As each year came time to plant potatoes, but I already am just too old to dig the field and seedlings pozasadzać? I know that if you were me you were here pomógł.Kochający you father Muhammad. "After a few hours come telegram from prison: "DAD DO NOT BLOCK THE KOP ANYWHERE, THERE ALL hid TNT, the centrifugal separator of the reactor and gas cylinders and bacteria!" Five minutes after the telegram arrives in 300-man team from the FBI with the dogs, shovels and spades. Searched and dug the whole field for two weeks found nothing, so apologized and left. The next day came a telegram: "Dear Father, You said you are a loving son, Abdul. The field dug, you can plant the seedlings. Given the circumstances occurring more difficult mogłem.Kochający do not you son of Abdul."

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Viva Polonia:)

first day of school before beginning of the lesson, the student teacher przedstawianowego U.S. Class: - This is Sakiro Suzuki Japonii.Lekcja starts. Teacher Says: - Well, we'll see how you deal with history. Who can tell me whose tosłowa: "Give me liberty or death"? In the classroom silence as poppy seeds sown, only Suzuki raises his hand and says: "Patrick Henry in 1775 in Philadelphia." - Very good Suzuki. And he said: "You are the people, the people perish niepowinni so? Again rises Suzuki:" Abraham Lincoln in 1863 in Washington. "The teacher looks at students with reproach and said: - Shame on you. Suzuki is Japanese and is familiar with American history lepiejod You! The class fell silent, and suddenly heard someone whisper loud - Kiss my ass pierprzony japończyku .- Who said that? - Shouted the teacher, Suzuki raised his hand at waiting ibez recited: "General McArthur, 1942 in Guadalcanal and LeeIacocca 1982 at a general meeting in Chrysler." The class became silent and still could only hear a low whisper: "I want to puke ... "- Who was that? - Shouted the teacher, as Suzuki quickly replied: "George Bush Sr. to the Japanese Prime Minister Tanaka in 1991 podczasobiadu." One really has wkurzonych students stood up and said sourly: - Obciągnij my dick! For a teacher resigned tone-This is the end. Who this time? "- Bill Clinton to Monica Levinsky in 1997 in the Oval Office in BiałymDomu - Suzuki without a quiver," said Okan to another student stood up and shouted-Suzuki is a piece of shit! What Suzuki - Valentino Rossi in Rio for Brazilian Grand Prix rokuKlasa in 2002 was completely falls into hysterics, faints gdyotwieraja teacher by the door and enter the Director-Damn, this brothel is I still do not widziałemSuzuki: - Deputy Prime Minister Leszek Miller to Hausner's budget committee meeting wWarszawie in 2003. ***

Flying a plane, and the people of different nacji.Nagle something goes wrong and the plane begins spadać.Pilot announced that the machine you need to offload, so bagaż.Samolot thrown back to the previous rate, but has not gone a quarter znowucos nawaliło. People look after themselves, who sacrifice to save fellow up and pop out. (Consternation) suddenly jumps up and tells Americans that if Batman, Superman and Spidermanto Americans he may be a Hero, and drank whiskey with barkucala, flew all the blondes and shouting "FOR UNITED STATES!" wyskoczył.Wszystko back to normal, but then it all together powtórzyłoTym Frenchman stood up and says that if Americans mógłto he was too. He drank all the red wines that were in the shoulder, flew all brunettes and shouting "Vive la France !!!"- wyskoczył.Po soon the situation repeats itself, and everyone's looking naPolaka. Pole looked around, said: "Why not?" Wzruszyłramionami, drank everything that was in the shoulder and its own inventories, flew EVERYTHING was moving and screaming "LONG LIVE MOZAMBIQUE !!!"...... threw negro.

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you ask kids in school, they use toothpaste. - Malgosia, what toothpaste do you use? - Colgate. - And why? - Because when it is healthy teeth. Ms. asking Johnny - Johnny, and you, what do you use? - Blend-a-med. - And why? - Because after the eggs are hard.

*** A security guard in control of all day hikes, but no one has fixed his mandate. Finally, another angler comes to the desire to improve your mood and said: - I'd like a fishing .- I do not know - he hears the answer .- pays you 50 zł .- For what? - For fishing without a .- But I do not I catch fish Only bathe glizdę .- It pays you 100 zł punishment - For what? - Because glizda no swimming!

***
little sparrow flies, and suddenly he sees a blind man walking. - Osram him - he thought to himself. Punched from the top, and the duck blind in the left and none of this wróbelkowi not work out. Flew to a colleague. They tried the two of us ... but a dead duck to the right, dodge left and again nothing. Wkurzyły the sparrow, and flew the rest of the guys. The entire flock tries osrać blind, but somehow came out of pure oppression. - The moral? - The blind see shit!